Untitled
by B3autifullyBrok3n21
Summary: Sorry I haven't decided on a name for this one yet. It's basically about the band Paramore. Yes, it's another story about Josh and Hayley, sorry but i'm so intrigued by their weird relationship, but it includes the other guys as well. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1-Zombies**

Have you ever had a dream that was so vivid that you could feel the breeze ruffle your hair or smell the scent of someone's clothing as they walked by you? Well that's how this dream was for Hayley. She was aware that she was dreaming because she would never be standing on an empty stage looking out over an empty venue. The seats were scattered with remnants of empty soda's and water bottles. It looked trashed much like a movie theatre does when the show is over. Hayley felt the draft blow across the venue, the empty seats where thousands of screaming fans should be. It ruffled a few loose strands of hair that had fallen out of her pony-tail causing them to tickle her neck. She shivered. She wasn't sure if the chill was caused from being alone in the dream, the draft blowing in, or the fact that from the corner of her eye she could see three dark figures standing in the balcony above. She would know those figures anywhere. She could pick them from a sea of people. But there was no crowd here. It was just Hayley alone on an empty stage with Jeremy, Zac and Taylor staring down at her from afar.

"Where's Josh?" She called to them. When she didn't get a reply she lifted her hand to wave to them to make sure they saw her, but they didn't wave back. Instead they just continued to stare motionless.

Something happened then. There was another light breeze only this time it came from behind her as if someone had walked by. It had a sweet masculine scent. She turned around sensing that someone was behind her. There stood Josh, his back to her. He looked all wrong. His clothes were tattered, covered in thick black mud. Hayley noticed there was a trail leading from the side of the stage where he had shuffled in mud. It dripped into a puddle at his feet.

"Josh." She stated his name. It wasn't a question. She knew it was him. "Josh." She repeated when there was no reply.

What was wrong with her boys? She didn't like them like this, lifeless and non-responsive…dripping with mud. She reached for Josh's arm. She was scared now. She spun him around to face her, only to wish that she hadn't. The skin on his face was tinged with a sallow green color. Blood mixed with mud dripped from the corners of his mouth. His hair was caked with the same mix and his eyes were big black saucers. There was no light brown iris left in his eye. Only big black circles staring her down. The blood hadn't bothered her, only the blank zombie stare. She opened her mouth to scream but instead of a shriek a low buzzing rumble came out. She looked around grasping her throat. Why couldn't she scream? She opened her mouth again and the same annoying sound filled her ears. But this time it felt like the floor was vibrating.

Hayley's eyes flickered open. She was staring up at the cream colored ceiling that hung less than two feet from her face. She was back to reality in her bunk on the tour bus. She wondered why if she was awake why could she still feel and hear that echoing vibration? She let out a light moan and rolled over onto her side. Oh yeah, rumble strip. She hated those annoying little grooves in the road to keep truck drivers from falling asleep. They kept her from _staying _asleep. The highways across America were filled with them. It wasn't always the most pleasant sound to wake up to especially when your dreams were filled with horror movie creatures.

It was one of those days when Hayley could have spent all day in her bunk. It felt too early to be awake. Where were they supposed to be today? She couldn't remember, Florida? Orlando maybe? It was hard to keep track sometimes. The days and nights just blurred together most of the time. She dug for her blackberry that usually ended up under her pillow. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as the screen from the phone lit up her bunk. She ignored the three missed calls and countless text message alerts. She was after one thing, the time. It was 8 am on a Tuesday morning. Yep, definitely too early to be awake but that didn't change the fact that she was. She didn't want to close her eyes again only to see Josh's blackened.

As reluctant as she was she swung her legs over the side of the bunk and jumped down. The chill of the air conditioner sent goose bumps over her exposed legs. She grabbed the comforter draping it around so that just her face was sticking out. She loved that old thing. She had brought it from home and it came with her every tour. When you're away from home for long periods of time you had to have something there to remind you. For Hayley, it was her comforter. It reminded her of her bed…she missed her bed. She lopped into the front lounge area where she could feel the bus coming to a stop.

Zac sat at the table with a bowl of cereal and Jeremy across from him. Josh was lying with a pillow on the couch.

"Wow!" She exclaimed as she walked to the couch Josh was laying on. "You guys are up early!"

She stumbled sitting down trying not to squish Josh's feet. It was hard to walk with the comforter tangled around her ankles.

"It's not that early Hayley. Most normal people wake up this early. It's a lot easier if you don't go to sleep at four in the morning." Jeremy laughed.

So did Josh, "Like you have room to talk Jeremy. It's a pretty rare occasion that you're up this early, you have to admit." Josh wished he had more time to sleep too. His voice was still raspy with sleep and the way he was curled up on the couch said _I wish everyone would shut up so I could shut my eyes. _

"It's true dude." Zac interjected.

It was still chilly in the front lounge. Hayley tucked her toes under Josh's leg hoping he wouldn't mind.

"We're making a pit stop. Gotta fill up on gas." The bus driver, Jerry's voice was deep with a bit of a growl to it. It reminded them of Darth Vader. There had been countless inside jokes about "Vader" as they liked to call him. "If ya'll want to get down you have about twenty minutes to do your thing." He continued.

Hayley was definitely in no shape to get off the bus. She was still nicely clad in her pajamas and comforter and if she was judging by the way she felt, she was sure her hair looked even worse.

"I'll go!" Zac jumped up from the table throwing his plastic bowl in the trash.

"Me too. I could use some good munchies for this afternoon." Jeremy stood up as well and they both began to shuffle for the door.

"Pick up some more hot pockets would you?" Josh called after them barely lifting his head from the pillow. "It's freakin' cold in here. Who turned the air on high?" He pulled his legs in closer to his body and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Say no more!" Hayley jumped up startling him a bit. She wiggled her way on the couch positioning her body so he was spooning her. She tossed the comforter around them both and placed her head under the covers. She felt his arms wrap around her torso and could feel the chill of his hands through her shirt.

"Please don't fart while my head is under here." Hayley laughed.

He laughed too, "Then maybe you should get your face out from under there cause I can't promise anything."

She tucked the comforter under her chin just in case. Hayley was glad that her and Josh had the type of relationship that they did. It was confusing at times but she wouldn't change anything about it. She couldn't call him her best friend because he was more than that. But she couldn't call him her boyfriend either because he was less than that. It's not like they ever kissed or made out but the road was lonely. Sometimes you needed a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold you when you're stressed and that was Josh for Hayley. But then as strange as it sounded he picked on her a lot. Not in a mean way, but like an older brother. Hayley imagined that was normal though. They all picked on each other. That's what touring was for them. Having fun doing what they loved, music and being around each other. They were a family.

Hayley was content lying in Josh's warm arms. It was so quiet on the bus. That was a rare circumstance seeing as how at any given time there were usually five to ten people on the bus. The only sound she could hear was Josh's breathing that was starting to slow. He was falling asleep. She felt her eyelids get heavy and she knew she couldn't fight it either so she let it happen. They were both so consumed by sleep that neither of them noticed when Jeremy and Zac got back and the bus rumbled to life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2-Violated**

It was a little past noon and the bus pulled in to a beautiful outdoor venue in Florida. Josh gazed out the windows as they drove into a gated parking lot. He could see fans already lined up outside as they screamed and waved as the bus drove by. Taylor and Jeremy were engrossed in a vigorous game of Wii sport's bowling challenge. Zac sat across from Josh at the table only half paying attention to the mindless emails he was sorting through. It was impossible to pay attention with all the playful yelling coming from Jeremy and Taylor?

Everyone's thoughts were interrupted as Hayley ran into the front lounge. Her face was frantic and she moved quickly. She had her cell phone in hand and it was lit up like there was someone holding on the line.

"Zac I need to use your computer." There was urgency in her voice.

Zac slid himself over in the kitchen booth so that she could take his place in front of the computer. He didn't ask questions as he could tell that she was in no mood to answer them. Her frantic behavior had everyone's attention, though no one completely understood.

"What was the web address again?" Hayley asked as she held the phone to her ear.

She said nothing as she typed the address into the browser. The color drained from her face as she stared at the screen and the phone fell from her ear to her lap.

"Oh my God." She whispered barely audible. She stood up from the table as she placed one hand over her heart. It was beating so fast she felt as though she needed to hold it into her chest. She placed her other hand over her mouth to keep from throwing up. She felt nauseas.

"What?" Josh stood up and took her place in front of the computer. Taylor, Jeremy and Zac looked over his shoulder at the screen.

"Please, please tell me that's not me." Hayley begged through gritted teeth. The tears were starting to burn the corners of her eyes. She hated crying and didn't want to go to pieces in front of everyone.

The boys stared at the screen. What they saw was un-imaginable. At the top of the web page it read "XXX Celebrity" in bold red letters. Just underneath was a caption that read, "The latest! Hayley Williams! Defiled in style! Punk rock's hottest leading chick!" And under that was what had Hayley gasping for air. It was a video. She was standing in a hotel room that they had stayed in just after they had performed in Mexico for MTV's Spring Break. The group had gone swimming and she went back to her hotel room to change out of her wet swimsuit. She reached to untie the strap around the neck and then slipped the rest down to her ankles. She was naked until she grabbed a towel off the hotel bed and wrapped it around her body and then walked out of the frame. The boys all looked up at her in disbelief.

Her voice came out shaky as she stuttered through the tears that had now spilled over. "I didn't know…I mean….I'm so embarrassed….I don't know what to do…" Her knees gave out as the panic set in and she covered her face with her hands. She was humiliated because she was crying so hard and because she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed someone filming her. The camera had to have been hidden in the wall or behind a picture frame.

Josh and Jeremy were at her sides kneeled on the ground with her as she sobbed. Josh exchanged a horrified worried glance at Jeremy over her head.

"Hayles you gotta calm down. Breathe babe; we're gonna take care this." Jeremy stroked her back. He felt angry and helpless. Hayley was like a sister to him and it killed him to see her so torn up. He didn't know what to say…none of them did. They were all mad at the soul-less creep that could have done this.

"What's going on?" A voice came from behind. It was Andy their tour manager.

No one said anything in fear of upsetting Hayley more. Zac motioned to the computer. Andy was confused looking at Hayley with her face now buried in Josh's chest, the muffled sobs starting to increase as she knew one more person that she was close to would now see her naked. It only took a few seconds for Andy to have the same horrified look as everyone else. He quickly tried to hide it to remain professional.

He spoke in an authoritative voice, "Hayley, how did you find out about this?"

"My friend Laura called me and said that her brother had found it" She tried to wipe away some of the tears as she spoke.

"Do you remember seeing anything un-usual or out of place in the hotel room?" He continued interrogating.

"No. I mean…I wasn't looking…I wasn't paying attention." She couldn't speak in full sentences through her gasps. "Why would someone do this?" Her lungs felt heavy and she was sure she was hyperventilating.

"Because there are sick people out there." Josh shook his head angrily at the situation.

"I have to go make a few phone calls." Andy got down to Hayley's level with Josh and Jeremy. "I'm not sure how this is gonna go Hayley but I have to call the record label and let them know. You may want to call your parents and tell them before they see it on the news. You wouldn't want them to find out that way." Andy stood up. "You guys need to try and calm her down. We have a show to do tonight regardless." And he disappeared into the back lounge for a series of un-pleasant phone calls.

Zac reached under the table and grabbed Hayley's phone that had slipped from her lap to the floor. He handed it to her. She tried to find the numbers through her tears and she shook her head. "My Dad is gonna be so disappointed."

"Hey," Josh began his voice soothing as he rubbed her back. "This is not your fault."

"It's not like it's a sex tape Hayles. You didn't know." Taylor added

"He's right. And we're gonna find whoever did this. I'm sure we can hire lawyers to have it taken off the website and everything. It's gonna be ok Hayles." Josh tried his best to comfort her. He felt terrible seeing her cry like this. And as many times as he had fantasized about seeing Hayley naked he never thought it would have been like this. He was a human male after all. It angered him as he realized that the rest of the world would see her too.

She inhaled deeply before hitting the send button and holding the phone to her ear. "Daddy?" She cried.

Josh looked at the clock hanging from the wall. It read seven thirty PM. Hayley had been in the bathroom for an hour and a half. That was a lot longer than she usually took to get ready for a show. He had felt on edge and worried about her all day. After Hayley had spoke with her parents he and the other guys let her silently fall to pieces in her bunk while they did sound check and a meet and great without her. She had never been absent for either and it killed her, but not as much as trying to put on a happy face that she knew she couldn't force. She had even put on a sweatshirt with the hood pulled down over her face to run from the bus into the concert venue.

No one had even realized she had got off the bus until Taylor had gone to use the restroom in the "Star Suite" and found it occupied. They all loved spending time in the Star Suites. It was basically just a fancy name for a dressing room. They usually came equipped with a buffet table loaded with snacks and beverages, sofa and chairs, usually a T.V. and always a bathroom with a shower. A pit stop for showers always meant that the bus smelled way better than usual.

Josh leaned back against the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table, folding his hands across his stomach and closed his eyes. He should be pumped to go onstage but all he could think about was the horrible image of Hayley slumped on the ground from this morning. She was always so strong and held herself so well. It was out of place to see her so…destroyed and venerable. Chills rippled across his arms with a rush of heat. Whoever put those images of her on that website would not have done it if they had only known her. Known how childlike she was. How innocent she could be, how funny, talented, cute, strong willed, and confident she was. He shook his head to himself to dismiss the thought and stood up.

Hayley had been in that bathroom long enough and he was too worried about her. He had to see her face to know she was ok. He hoped that when she opened the door he would see the perky face of his best friend that he had grown to love; not the pain stricken face that he had seen this morning.

"Hayley?" He tapped lightly on the door. There was no response from inside. "Hayley?" His voice was more frantic this time and there was still no answer. "Hayley can you please open the door?"

When he still didn't get a response the panic set it. Why wouldn't she answer him? She would never do anything to hurt herself would she? He felt guilty for even thinking it. He looked at the lock on the door handle and knew if he could find a coin he could open it from the outside. Josh dug in his pocket, there weren't any coins but a guitar pick would suffice.

"I'm coming in Hayley." He opened the door and there she sat on the floor her back leaning against the sink cabinet. He stood there for a moment to look her over. She was dressed for the show, clad in yellow jeans and a black t-shirt. She wore her hair down and it billowed around her shoulders. She looked up at him her face blank and expressionless.

"Why didn't you answer me?" Josh asked as he walked in and knelt in front of her.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"What are you doing on the floor?" He grabbed her arms as he started to pull her up.

Hayley ignored his question and instead asked her own. "How awful do I look?"

He walked her out of the bathroom and on to the couch and they sat down. He looked her over. "What do you mean?" He didn't notice that she looked bad at all.

"I mean my face, my eyes. Can you tell I've been crying all day? I feel like my eyelids are swollen. I tried to use a cold rag to make them go down but I don't think it worked very well. Then I tried to cover it with a crap ton of makeup and I'm pretty sure that failed too." She sighed looking down at the ground.

Josh placed his hand under her chin and raised her face to his. She had a light pink flush to her lips and cheeks and a shimmer of yellow and orange on her eye lids. They may have been a little swollen but she was still gorgeous.

"You're beautiful." He smiled trying to be reassuring.

A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Well I don't feel like it today."

"We all have our days I guess." He shrugged. "Come on let's get you all geared up." He continued pulling her to her feet. They would be headed to the stage in a few minutes and she would need her sound pack on. He reached for a little black electronic box that connected to the back of their pants. It had a set of ear monitors that ran up the back of your shirt so that you could hear all the instruments clearer without all the screaming from fans.

He spun her around so that her back was facing him and he began to clip the box to the inside of her belt.

"Be honest," Hayley began. "How many people out there do you think have seen that video?"

"Honestly….I don't know Hayles. But you shouldn't worry about it. I know that's easier said than done but… " He trailed off.

She sighed, that wasn't the answer she had wanted to hear. She wanted to erase it and pretend like it had never happened. She had never been raped or taken advantage of but she imagined that this is what it must have felt like. There was nothing she could do about it. Everyone she was ever close to had just seen her naked. She felt stupid and had a feeling of hate for herself even though it didn't make sense. She hadn't done anything. She had a huge sense of insecurity that she had never felt before. She had always thought of herself as a somewhat confident person until this. I mean sure she picked out her flaws and made fun of them on occasion, she was only human, but the fact that she had unwillingly shared them with the entire world was heart breaking.

She was suddenly very aware that Josh had lifted up the back of her shirt to run the wire for the ear monitor up her back and around her neck. His warm fingers would slightly graze her skin. He could probably see her bra and the lower part of her exposed back. He had hooked this up for her many times before but it felt wrong now. She knew he had watched the video, seen her nude, and exposed.

Josh felt her body tense and she took a step forward pulling the chords from his hands. He looked at her confused.

"You know what?" She began, "I can do this myself. Thank you though." She ran back towards the bathroom closing the door once again behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3-The Media**

The next few days passed in a blur. The show the night of the incident went smoother than what Hayley had expected. For two hours of that night while onstage she was almost able to pretend it never happened…almost. The next week Andy, the group's tour manager had spent most of his time talking to managers from the record label, publicists, lawyers, and people from the hotel. He managed to get the video taken off the web page and that had been somewhat comforting to Hayley. The hotel in Mexico said that they had no clue which one of their employees could have set up the camera. _That_ was not comforting to Hayley. So anyone could just go around setting up cameras, film people getting undressed and get away with it? The publicist's and lawyers had decided that Hayley should do a press conference because this wasn't something small that they could hide from the public.

She hated having to go on record to talk about this. How was she going to get up in front of all those people and make a statement? For the first time in her life she felt terrified to be in front of a crowd. She had handled her emotions well as she made her speech and she knew that there was no way she could have done it without her boys standing beside her.

Hayley remembered writing it out the night before on a piece of paper. She didn't know how much of it was actually true, but she didn't want to look weak to everyone. "I'm utterly disappointed that this video has appeared online. I have been humiliated and embarrassed and I want the public to know that I have done nothing wrong. It was filmed without my consent or knowledge. I hope that our fans don't view me any differently, because I have been the victim in this situation. It is my wish as well as the rest of my family and band mates that this all be put behind us. We would be happy if this statement would provide some closure to this unfortunate event. Please remember that Paramore has never been about anything but the music, so if you would please give us respect in going about our daily lives, touring and making music it would be greatly appreciated."

Zac had even made the crowd laugh to lighten the mood. "I have to say I'm a little upset that they didn't set the camera up in my hotel room. What, no one wants to see me naked?" He joked

"Dude, no one would want to see you naked!" Taylor laughed into the microphone.

Hayley smiled thankful that the silence of the conference room had been broken. She felt like the shutter sound of the camera's flashing would break her ear drums. After the band had walked away from the podium and away from media's eyes she turned to the four boys.

"Thank you so much for being there for me. It's hard for me to say, but you don't know what your support has meant to me."

"Aww Hayley!" Taylor ran and enveloped her into a hug.

Jeremy, Josh and Zac followed. She felt safe tightly wrapped in the middle of not just her band mates, but her best friends. "I'm sorry that this happened" She said.

"We're sorry too." Jeremy stated matter of fact. And he was, no one deserved to have this happen to them, but especially not Hayley.

"God's going to take care of us Hayley, he always does." Josh smiled into their group hug.

A month had passed since the press junket and for the most part things had begun to get back to normal. No one really mentioned the video around Hayley and it was rare that a fan or someone from the media sent their apologies to the band. Hayley liked it like that. She acted her hardest to pretend like it didn't bother her anymore and it was easier to pretend that it never happened if no one talked about it.

The group had been preparing for an interview with a popular magazine that was to be held in a row of seats on the side of the outdoor stage. They were walking together from the bus to the back gates of the venue and the Arizona sun beat down from above.

"This sun is going to burn the skin right off my bones!" Zac stated glaring up at the sky and rubbing his hands over his arms.

"I know right!" Taylor agreed, "Look at this gnarly farmers tan I'm getting." He lifted up the sleeve of his t-shirt to reveal the difference in color of his skin.

"Jeez and look at Hayley!" Jeremy pointed to her referring to her long sleeved shirt.

Hayley looked down at her white long-sleeved graphic shirt and shrugged her shoulders. She had to admit that she was dying in the long sleeved shirt but didn't really feel comfortable in a tank top. Why be revealing, everyone had already seen it anyways.

"It's not that bad besides I'm always cold." She lied.

"You can't be cold! It's summer in Arizona and we're in an outdoor venue!" Josh exclaimed. He grabbed her wrist and held up her arm. "Plus you have pit stains!"

Hayley yanked her arm back down, but faked a smile as the other guys laughed. Andy met them on the side of the stage and showed them to their seats introducing them to Ally Rhode's, the lady who was to be interviewing them. She was a journalist for Pop Punk Magazine and was supposed to be asking them about the rest of the tour. Josh snickered to himself at this lady's name. Her parents must have been hippies.

"It's very nice to meet you all! Let's just get started right away so we can all get out of this heat." Ally began in a high voice.

Hayley grimaced internally at the sound of this lady's voice. It was something you might hear from a stuck-up cheerleader.

"So, you guys had a little bit of a rough start at the beginning of the tour, things seemed to have settled down for you guys, how is the tour going now?"

_Ugh _Hayley thought to herself. She didn't even want to answer. Thankfully Josh took the initiative. "It's going really well. The kids seem to be super excited."

"How is it performing in these outdoor venues? How do you deal with the heat?" Ally asked as she held out the digital voice recorder for an answer.

"Lot's of water!" Taylor and Jeremy laughed at the same time.

"We drink a lot of fluids to keep hydrated but honestly I think that Zac has it the worst out of all of us cause he's constantly tearing it up behind those drums every night." Hayley answered.

"Wow sounds hot! And Hayley, you're wearing long sleeves." Ally pointed out.

Hayley looked down again at her sleeves. Why did everyone have to be so observant today?

"Do you think you've changed your clothing style or choices since the nude video of you appeared online?" Ally asked.

The guys all looked at Hayley for her reaction. Hayley shook her head thankful that she was wearing sunglasses so no one could see her rolling her eyes. She looked to the side over Ally's shoulder at Andy. She had been given specific directions after the press conference not to talk about it.

"Uh…we're not really allowed to say anything about that." Jeremy said sensing Hayley's hesitation.

"Well don't you think that your fans have a right to know about this situation?" Ally's tone was rude.

"Don't you think you're being a little un-professional about this interview?" Hayley asked. "We just told you that we're not allowed to talk about it."

"Well I'm not asking about the video, I'm just asking about your clothing choices. It's obvious in the past you've always had a very fun, loud, cute sense of style and I think a lot of your fans admire that about you, but judging from recent pictures and seeing you here today it seems like your holding back. I know I'm curious and our readers are too. We just want to know if it has anything to do with the video."

Hayley half laughed out of exasperation of this woman's determination. "I'm sorry." Hayley stood up. "I'm done with this interview." She looked at Andy and he nodded his head in approval.

"Last warning lady," Andy began, "You can finish your interview with the guys but anymore about the video and we're all done. Got it?"

Jeremy, Taylor, Zac and Josh exchanged glances. What they wouldn't give to be able to walk away from this interview as well. This lady had offended one of their own and now they still had to pretend to be nice. Josh looked after Hayley as she disappeared somewhere behind the stage. He wanted to go after her, but reluctantly turned his attention back to Ally.

Hayley rarely cussed but had a slew of bad words running through her head right now. She stalked past a few of the crew members and slumped down onto a large black case that usually held several guitars. It was more like a big trunk with _Paramore_ written in white letters on the side. It was hidden behind a wall of huge speakers that hadn't been taken to the stage yet. She knew she was safe sitting here for a bit. No one would be able to see her back here.

She gritted her teeth and shook her head frustrated as she pulled her cell phone out of her jean pocket.

_Stupid Ally Rhodes! S_he thought to herself as she pushed up her sleeves as high as they would go. Hayley opened up the text message box in her phone and typed in: "The humiliation continues! I hate this Dad! Make it stop!" She sent it to her father and waited for a reply while she tried not to let the hot angry tears spill over.

She got her reply shortly after and he did his best to console her. It didn't work. She didn't feel _consoled_.

"Have you seen Hayley?" Josh's voice rang from somewhere close by.

She quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks and pulled the aviator sunglasses over her eyes, once again feeling grateful she had decided to wear them. They were quickly becoming of great use today for hiding un-wanted emotions.

"I'm here." She poked her head around the speaker to see Josh talking to a stage hand.

He joined her behind the speakers and sat next to her on the guitar case. "Oh cool! You found your own little hiding spot." He laughed "It kind of makes me need to pee." He squirmed in his seat trying to make a joke. He remembered as a kid when he would play hide and seek with Zac how it never failed as soon as he had found a spot to hide the anticipation of Zac finding him would make his bladder anxious.

She smiled though he could tell it was forced.

"Oh come on Hayles, you're not gonna let that hoochie ruin your day are you?"

"No. I'm fine." She lied, which she seemed to be doing a lot of today.

"Well…you don't look fine." Josh tilted his head to catch a better look at the exposed part of her eyes from the sides of her sunglasses. Just as he had suspected, the moisture in them was evident.

"Well how can I be _fine_ Josh?" The words came out a bit harsher than she intended. The anger wasn't directed towards him, only the stupid situation. "Should I just be_ fine_ with everyone judging the way I dress or how I act? Should I just be _fine_ with everyone thinking that this stupid video has destroyed me?"

He hesitated before he spoke, "…well hasn't it?" He could tell his question caught her off guard. Her brow furrowed in… confusion maybe?

Hayley's voice came out softer this time. "What?" She had heard what he said but was just surprised that he tried to contradict her.

"Come on Hayles, you can't fool me. You think I don't hear you crying sometimes at night? I mean for God's sake I'm in the bunk right below you. Or how about the way that you cringe when I put my arm around you? Do you think I can't feel that?"

Hayley stared back at him shocked. All this time she thought she had been fooling everyone, possibly even herself. She should have known that Josh would be the one to see right through her act. But who was she kidding; certainly not Josh. She almost admired him for calling her out on it.

"I'm sorry Hayley. I didn't mean…"

"No, you're right." She interrupted him. She looked at the ground biting her lip. She could feel the tears coming again. "You're right, and so is Ally Rhodes. I'm not ok. I don't know how to be ok when I feel like everyone and their brother has seen me naked. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore and I hate myself for letting it affect me this way. I can't even get dressed anymore without feeling like someone's watching me. Do you know that I hide in the shower stall to get dressed? But that's not before I check every inch to make sure there's no flaw that might be hiding a camera." She was on a roll now, and so were the tears as the flowed down her cheeks from behind her glasses. "Or how about every new person we meet? The entire time I'm thinking, _'hmm…I wonder if they've seen the video' _And then to have to face every single one of you guys on the bus and know that you've all seen it too it's just constant humiliation."

He had to think for a second to let all that sink in. If anything he was glad she could get off her chest. "Let it out Hayley! You shouldn't have kept all that inside for this long. No one thinks any less of you and we're not walking around with naked images of you in our heads." He faintly laughed. He continued more serious, "If anything we've been worried about you. You know what images have been stuck in my head? It's the ones of you crumpled on the floor, fully clothed, but torn into a million pieces."

"I'm sorry." She whispered. Her pain was causing the rest of them pain as well and it was one more reason to be mad at herself.

"Stop saying that. Don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong." He grabbed her face gently and lifted it, forcing her to look at him. He pulled the sunglasses from her face so he could see her green eyes. "Listen to me. You can't beat yourself up about this anymore. You don't have to pretend that you're ok for me or any of the guys. I'm here for you and so are they. If you won't tell me how you feel then I can't help you…" He trailed off as she tried to lean away from his gentle grasp. "Stop Hayley, trust me. I'm not gonna hurt you. I would never and you should know that."

She didn't struggle away from him anymore. Josh was right, he had never hurt her and she knew he wouldn't now. In fact over the last month or so she wished she had, had someone to hold her, but why she pulled away from him she wasn't sure. Maybe because she didn't know who to trust and because she didn't want anyone to know how much this video really had destroyed her.

Instead of saying anything she put both arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. He began to hesitate, but figured if she hadn't wanted him to touch her than she wouldn't have hugged him in the first place. He wound his arms around her torso pulling her in tightly.

"You're gonna be ok." Josh whispered into her ear and kissed her cheek lightly.

"I know. I will be now." She genuinely smiled and it felt good.

She reluctantly pulled away to wipe the sweat and remaining tears from her face and laughed once again at her ridiculous long sleeved shirt. Josh studied her face and said the words before she could say them, "You wanna go change your shirt to something cooler?"

"Yeah" She smiled again; it was hard to turn it off now since she had _her_ Josh back. Not that she had ever actually lost him.

The mood was lighter and he sensed it was ok to joke with her, "Ok let's go! I'll help you make sure there aren't any cameras in the shower stall." It worked, she laughed.

It felt good for her to know that she didn't have to hide all the crazy. She had laid it all out and Josh hadn't judged her. Instead he actually made her feel ok about the crazy. It felt nice to share it with someone and for the first time in a month Hayley felt like she could breathe again.


End file.
